Metamorphosis

edit : I was 15, young, stupid, and hormonal .

I've always wondered why my life always takes eerie turning points. When I look back two years back from today; grade 8, not so wonderful but yet not  this bad. I miss those days really bad, carrying the pride of being a teenager in one hand and DLE setbook in another. Listening to hours long long lectures about DLE after every period (as if we were listened anyways) . Well who even bothered to open course books ? Novels had started to become an addiction. The hangover of being a potterhead, interpreting Dan Brown's sophisticated mysteries, picking out lines from John green's evergreen stories as quotes decorating our notebooks and well giggling during optional maths classes while reading princess diaries and percy jackson under our desks was what life used to be all about. Making instagrams, having snapchat accounts and gaining followers was where the popularity sat, while impressing teachers every now and then so that you get to become the school captain next year was probably the most toughest work for some. who knew what high school had planned for us.

                    The changes came probably too fast and we were too young to handle those changes. First few months of high school and there you go; fame, popularity, friendships, a huge downfall in our grades, evolving feelings  and above all the real faces of people. This was the year when I realized that people had more colors than my steadler color pencils could ever have. Before coins used to be the best example of  two faced  and now people. Towards the end of this year, I almost felt I'd lost the real me. I could feel myself changing. Loosing people who were so close to me was one of the worst thing that happened this  year. I had lost the battle of being a friend, a daughter, a sister, a student, a human. Overtime  life got more and more complex. Between the battle of loving someone and hating them at the same time, maybe I learned to grow. This year helped me develop trust issues rather than our intellectuals. Having panic attacks and anxiety attacks were normal now. Thoughts just flowed like a spiral stair case. Just going on and on and on. One side was the devil and other side was the red sea.

              Overtime  feelings started fading, life started fading, the bonds that had been formed last 14 years -were all fading but may be  somewhere a ray of hope shuddered making the ending another beginning. The beginning of grade 10.
   
               Life never got easier still. From complex it went to more complex . More like this was the year when life actually introduced itself. Taking a step out meant prepare yourself to listen to the phrase  "you've changed" . 

Change isn't the correct word I would describe it to be. Rather than change it would be about becoming a better version of myself.  Hiding emotions whom to trust and whom not. Everything that happened was both the best and the worst. A mountain of responsibilities on one side and a flood of emotions, tragedies and what not on the other. Having feelings for someone almost made life look beautiful  but yet again even this beautiful rose turned out to have thorns. Blood flowed, clotted and with time got healed. The scars remain but the antiseptics provided by music is far too effective. Overtime I  thought I was changing like every body said but when I look at myself and the things I do it seems no different. The same old person, running around leaving scars, hurting people. I wish I could help that but maybe getting hurt was the only thing that happened and that's why hurting is the only thing I know.  People around haven't been easier too. This was the year where people whom I trusted the most showed their real faces. Turned their back and showed who they are. Years of friendship and trust once again failed to prove itself worthy but yet again this brought about something good. The people who were to leave would have left sooner or later but the people who really cared stayed and that's all that matters. When I compare, I wonder which one was better, the earlier unknown about this world yet happy years or the melancholic, known, matured, grown years. May be this is what life is. May be this was my metamorphosis.